The Stepmother

There is one more cluster I want to share, but today I want to share a memory that recently came to mind.

“Listen to this; I was talking to David our neighbour the other day. He and his wife have been trying for a baby for a while. Guess what he did in the end? He slept with his ex-girlfriend and got her pregnant. When the baby was born he claimed the baby so that he and his wife could raise it together. That’s a good wife! What do you think of the idea?”

Of all the stupid questions and scenarios my ex put to me, this one was the most absurd. “Come again?” I asked. As he proceeded to repeat the entire escapade, I interrupted him.

“I got the story. What makes her such a good wife?”

“Well she understood her husband’s desire to have children and she didn’t stop him. That’s sacrificial love.”

“So you’re saying it was ok for him to be unfaithful just to get a child? What was wrong with adopting?”

“It just shows how important being a father was to him. What do you think of the idea? Would you have been willing to do that?”

“Well I feel sorry for her because it sounds as if whether or not she agreed to it, he was going to do it anyway. Now she’s stuck raising a child that isn’t hers. It’s not as if he had this child before they met”.

“What would be the difference in adopting? She would still be raising a child that she didn’t give birth to.”

“The difference is that she, or they, would have chosen a child. She wouldn’t have had a child thrust onto her. She would of had a choice in the matter.  And to answer your question, I doubt I could have agreed to such a ridiculous idea.”

“So if I came home one day with a baby, and explained that I had the baby with an ex-girlfriend, what would you do? Would you really reject a baby? My own child?”

“I would never prevent you from raising your child, no child asks to be born. Whether or not I would hang around is another matter. Then again at the end of the day, if the issue was with you, and I slept with my ex-boyfriend to get pregnant it would have been fine right? Yes, that’s sacrificial love!” That was the end of that conversation.

When I left my island home to get away from my ex-husband, I returned the following year for my sister’s wedding. I found out that not only did my ex-husband already have a girlfriend, she was soon to give birth to their child. The math said that maybe he got lucky and got her pregnant right after I left. However,  it is more likely that he was having an affair even before I left. Though I had already filed for divorce, the new information about his infidelity surprised me but didn’t make me angry. It did bring the above conversation back to my mind.

Everything I have spoken about in my blog is true to the best of my memory and knowledge. Today’s blog is speculative. I have no reason to doubt that my ex asked me that question way back then, to determine my thoughts and get a feel for how I felt about raising a love child, we hadn’t even been trying for a year yet. Maybe that’s when he formulated  the plan. Now, what would I have really done? I would have resented being put in that position that’s for sure, but I can only speculate. The thing is I’ll never factually know. God saved me from a complicated and destructive marriage; that’s a solid fact!

No one expects their spouse to be perfect because all humans are flawed. We know our partner will do things that hurt or makes us angry. We know that there must be a spirit of forgiveness. Though it does happen, no one expects their spouse to deliberately plot an awkward and distasteful predicament.  In marriage, a partner expects their spouse to want the best positive things in life for them. There should be an element of good will projected by both parties in a marital relationship .

The old testament is filled with the apostasy of Israel. When they were obedient and followed God’s precepts they were blessed and they prospered. When Israel was disobedient and wayward, they languished. Yet even in their rollercoaster of defiance and insubordination, God loved them still. He loves us still. Our heavenly Father only wants the best for all of us.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11

The Message Bible

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