One lunch time whilst on Facebook, I watched an interesting video clip and decided to repost it. It was an animated illustration of an abortion. It wasn’t overly graphic, it was just a factual clip.
Mr Impatient demanded to know why I had reposted the video. Before I could answer I was bombarded by questions; Had I been pregnant before? Had I ever had an abortion? Was there something I needed to inform him regarding any past pregnancies? Whom did I know that had had an abortion? Was I still friends with them? Though I wasn’t the one speaking, I felt the need to catch my breathe!
“The answer to all your questions is no, but if I had a friend who had an abortion and you knew them, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Because it would be their business, not yours. Furthermore I see no reason to subject any friend of mine to your constant judgement.”
“You’re not being honest with me. You’re hiding something from me. I want the truth Byooti!”
“Same answer as before nothing has changed.”
“I want to know the truth, you . . . ” and on and on he went. Well I was in a good mood that day. I simply watched the big kid have his usual tantrum. He eventually ran out of steam.
“Do you believe in abortion?”
“So why did you post it?”
“Well you must remember that I’m Facebook friends with a number of youth from church. I don’t necessarily know what they might be going through. I don’t know if any of them are struggling with deciding to have an abortion or not. Equally they may know someone who is struggling with the choice. This simply gives them a side of the story. I’m just sharing information. Ok?”
It wasn’t the first time that social media had become a topic of dispute. He had asked me once why I was always posting but never online. I explained that I had never really used Facebook’s messaging service, but if anyone dropped a message my appearing ‘invisible’ wouldn’t stop me from replying. He said I was being deceitful, that I must be hiding something if I never appear online🤷♀️. In another argument he stated that Facebook was for kids. I replied that I didn’t have any children as Facebook friends which meant that everyone I kept in contact with were adults.
That was when I realised that he was trying to control my social media life. The toxic / narcissist always seeks to control the circle of family and friends. I set up my Facebook account while I was doing my teaching degree years before we met. I was unwilling to deactivate it because it was the only way to keep in touch with all my friends who live all over the globe.
I defied him. I often wish I had defied him over many other things, but firstly, you learn to pick your battles very early on and secondly, I’m not built or wired to fight everyday which it often feels like when you are married to a narcissist.
The old testament tells the story of King Jehoshaphat who was full of fear because the Ammonites and the Moabites were about to go into battle with the children of Israel. He sought God in prayer for he couldn’t see a way out of the situation and perceived great loss of life. God spoke through Jahaziel ” . . . Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” There is absolutely nothing you can do to make a toxic relationship work. Only God can change the tide. This battle isn’t yours so just give it to God.