Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is defined as;

. . . the capability of a person to manage and control his or her emotions and possess the ability to control the emotions of others as well. In other words, they can influence the emotions of other people also.


All humans have emotions, the degree to which any emotion is displayed varies from person to person and is usually dependent on the situation at hand. It’s a given that people laugh at parties, celebrate at graduations or weddings but cry at somber occasions like a funeral. Most people can emphasize with others even if they themselves have never experienced a particular situation. Some find empathy challenging. Others, like narcissists and other toxic personalities are incapable of seeing things from another persons point of view. They are totally egotistical.

In 1995, Psychologist Daniel Goleman developed the concept of emotional intelligence. It engages a range of aspects of emotions and social situations. Though criticized for not being an exact science, it makes thought-provoking conversation. Some put forward that it can be divided into 3 categories; emotional awareness, emotional application and emotional management. Others have a different take; emotional perception of others, emotional reasoning, emotional understanding and management of emotions. When you get to the real essence of emotional intelligence, perhaps everyone is saying the same thing but in a different way. Despite the overlap, the data is popular and widely accepted.

To be considered emotionally intelligent an individual must be very conscious of their own emotions whether they are in a positive or negative state, and be able to identify and manage them. Such individuals are also in tune with the emotions of others. This helps them to understand how their own emotions and certain situations affect other people. Daniel Goleman proposes that emotional intelligence has 5 aspects; self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills.

Self-awareness is simply knowing how you feel and how those emotions will affect others. The self-aware person is able to determine how various factors affect them. Perhaps one of the things that an emotionally aware person remembers is that while they cannot control a negative impact, they do determine how they react to it.

Self-regulation is about staying in control. Self-regulating people are often those who avoid verbal retaliation, don’t make emotional decisions especially in the heat of the moment, avoid falling for stereotypes and don’t compromise their values. They have a clear idea of what is important to them so that when the occasion arises where ethics may be called into question, they know exactly where they stand. They take responsibility when things go wrong rather than blame others, and will bare the consequences. They are able to remain calm in volatile situations.

An individual who is self-motivated is driven simply because they are passionate about what they do. Money and status are no comparison to their commitment for the cause. They work to and set high standards for themselves and others. They enjoy the learning process. When a goal is set, they pursue it with great energy.

Empathy is all about understanding the emotional make up of others and treating them accordingly. It is the ability to put themselves in another person’s situation. The empathic person asks themselves, “How would I respond in the same situation?”.

People with good emotional intelligence have admirable social skills and communicate well with others. They are able to manage conflict diplomatically, they manage changes well and are proficient at managing relationships and networking.

In short, an emotionally intelligent person thinks about feelings and will take a pause before doing or saying something they may later regret or that will hurt another person. An emotionally intelligent person strives to control their emotions and actually tries to see the benefits to themselves from the criticism of others. They are authentic in the way they relate and present to others, have no difficulty praising others or accepting feedback, they apologize and remember to forget once they have forgiven.  

God created us to be emotional beings and Jesus Christ is our master teacher. When He walked this earth He taught us to treat others the way we would want to be treated. He asked us to forgive those who wrong us and try to live at peace with our fellow men.

Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise. Proverbs 12:18

The Message Bible

Want to see how emotionally intelligent you are? Click on the link! https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/ei-quiz.htm


https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/emotional-intelligence                                 https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_45.htm                                                                                                                      https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/13-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-do.html                                                                                                           https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-2795423 https://web.sonoma.edu/users/s/swijtink/teaching/philosophy_101/paper1/goleman.htm

2 thoughts on “Emotional Intelligence

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.