X years down the line, I tell people that I took the time to reflect and be introspective. After I had cried all the tears in my tear ducts, I decided it was time to seek counselling. The very last thing I wanted, was to be an emotional prisoner or victim to my past. Looking forward and moving onward were my ultimate aims, and in order to do this I knew I needed to be whole again.
X years down the line, I tell people that I’m actually fine. I can recall events without bursting into tears, feeling angry or sinking into despair. This is all acceptable but this initial healing happens within the context of only you. The frame of reference for healing happens because you are only dealing with “me, myself and I”. Healing is a painful but necessary process. I suggest to you that restoration is a very different ball game when you embark on a journey with someone else.
The next affiliation is like an exam! Firstly, are you really able to make yourself vulnerable again? You, more than anyone else in the world know exactly what you had to endure in that previous toxic liaison. Its probably normal to ask yourself a barrage of questions; will they hurt me? Will I be disappointed? Will they exhibit the same noxious habits as my previous suitor? They are all valid fears. Maybe the bigger question is; can I let go of all the negativity of my past relationship? Will I be able to put aside the past emotional baggage and travel this new road freely? Can I give this person a fighting chance to prove themself to me? Am I absolutely ready to invest in a relationship? Will I make this new person pay for the mistakes of my ex? No doubt fear will raise its ugly head but your grey ashes could be turn into something colourfully beautiful! Note I said could. There are many things that could go wrong even if you do heal well and open yourself up to another person. My
point is, don’t become what was done to you.
Certain situations and circumstances will throw you back in time, but at least this time you are being treated in the opposite of how you were treated before. You realise that now your emotional well-being is now being catered to, and the contentment of this can be overwhelming. If this realization but your tears are those of joy. When negotiation and discussion are the order of the day, you experience the respect you never had before. When compromise sits down with you, your value metre rises.
The book of Micah says;
‘And compassion is on its way to us.
You’ll stamp out our wrongdoing.
You’ll sink our sins
to the bottom of the ocean’ Micah 7:19
Micah was expounding about what God does with our sin. How about doing the same thing with our hurt? Why not hurl it into the sea where it can no longer cause pain and hurt? Let go and let God!
But it’s different with you: Be strong. Take heart. Payday is coming! 2 Chronicles 15:17The Message Bible