I had bought the tickets and knew the show would be a good one, after all I seen them perform many times before. I was excited!
We were lying in bed conversing about stuff. Out of nowhere came a snide comment. I don’t remember what the comment was but I was determined not to be drawn in. I wanted to go to the show and I didn’t want his mood to spoil that. I quickly hopped off the bed. I grabbed some clothes that needed ironing as I left the bedroom. I set up the ironing board and proceeded to press the clothes.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Well unless you want to wear ruffled clothes, I figured I may as well iron our clothes now.”
“But why right now? We were talking.”
“Listen, I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but it feels as if we are going to get into an argument about nothing. I don’t want that, and I don’t want our evening to be spoiled.” He headed back to the bedroom.
A little later we sat down to eat supper so that we could dress and head out to town. There it was again, a cutting remark. I excused myself from the table and went to the bedroom. I didn’t want to be in his company any longer. I decided that I wasn’t going to the theatre with him. The question was, why was he behaving like this? Is it possible he wanted to take someone else? Well that wasn’t about to happen! The tickets had been on the dressing table all week. I took mine and was wondering where to hide it. I had to be quick because there was always the chance that he would follow me to the bedroom and take it away if he figured out that I was trying to hide it. I picked up the book I was presently reading and plumped my pillow behind my back. I placed the ticket under my pillow and smiled at my ingenuity.
“Aren’t you getting ready? We shouldn’t be late.”
“No. I’m not going.” I said without even looking up from my book.
I looked up then, meeting his gaze. “I will not go where I’m not wanted.”
“So you won’t need your ticket. Where have you put it?” I looked at him without answering then resumed reading.
“So how is your friend who just had her baby? You’ve not been to see her yet? What did she have?”
Anna was recently married and had given birth to her first child. It was my intention to visit her in the upcoming Christmas holiday.
“Yeah, should have gone to see her alreaďy but I’ll go in the holiday. She had a girl. I’m really happy for them.”
He walked over to me and bent down, leaning in towards me. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was in ‘nasty’ mode, I would expect that he was going to kiss me.
“How does it feel knowing your friend who just got married gave her husband a baby and you can’t give your husband a baby yet?”
I struggled trying to think of something equally hurtful to say. My hands which were holding the book, were yearning to make contact with the side of his face. However, I was sitting and he was at a vantage point over me. How would that scenario end? I used slow deep breathes to quell the detonating enragement within. His remark sliced my heart. I could barely breath. He bent down to whisper in my ear again. Please God, no more words. I can’t take another blow right now! He slowly straightened without saying a word. I fought the tears, I would not let him see my anguish, not today. I gritted my teeth to stop the tears coming.
I heard the car pull away. I slumped to my side and wailed. How could another human being be so intentionally afflictive? It felt as if he had killed me and walked away with no remorse. I couldn’t bear it. I gathered up enough clothes for a week and headed for my parent’s home. I needed to retreat for a while, I needed refuge.
Toxic people are callous because they have never learned to care about how they treat others. Insulting others is like drinking a cool glass of water to them. It just gives them a feeling of deep satisfaction. They are not happy unless they are hurting others, especially those who love them. Their sole aim is to inflict misery.
If you are in an abusive relationship, your days of being a punch bag (physical or emotional) are not over. They won’t be until you get away. If there is a way out don’t hang around waiting and hoping they will change. They won’t change, they don’t change. You know this to be true because from the beginning until this day have things really changed in your relationship? Is it a healthy one? Everyone deserves to be loved, and more importantly so do you.
My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love . . . 1 John 4: 7&8The Message Bible