I had seen the film being advertised for a while on tv. It definitely had my attention, I had to get a copy! One afternoon after lunch I put the DVD in the laptop and pressed play. Elizabeth Jordan influenced by Miss Clara revives the purpose of prayer in her life. She decides to let go so that God can. ‘War Room’ is a fictional film but there’s nothing imaginary about the principles of Christianity portrayed in it. Whether or not we obtain that which we have prayed for, prayer is our oxygen. I wanted, I needed my marriage to work. I was willing to do whatever it took. I had prayed, I had always prayed, but maybe not earnestly enough. Or maybe I was fighting too much and just needed to step aside so God could do his thing. At the next opportunity when I had the house to myself, I pray walked through the dwelling. I wanted only God’s presence there with us.
I didn’t have an actual war room. That would have triggered numerous arguments, but I did keep a prayer diary. I prayed that the man I married would come to know who God was and learn to love him. If he learned to love God, he would love me better. Seemed foolproof to me.
God is omnipotent but he never forces His will on us. If we want to change He will help us to modify our character, but we have to make the choice to change. The problem with most abusers is that as far as they can see, it is always the victim who is at fault. They need to change. They need therapy. They are the problem in the marriage. Since they are not responsible for the issues, they don’t need to make any adjustments. They don’t change because they see no reason to.
I was existing in a twisted cycle. Abuse, stand off, reconciliation, repeat. He wasn’t going to change. He didn’t want to. If my marriage couldn’t be saved, I could be. I knew that the next step was self-preservation. I despised the woman I saw in the mirror. She had no fight or purpose. She was agreeing with everything for the sake of peace. Her autopilot switch was fully engaged. She did think or consider. She just did. She was a lost wandering soul.
My prayers alternated between “God help me” and “God save me.”
He helped me by saving me! I will always be grateful to God for rescuing me. Sometimes we get what we ask for. Sometimes we don’t, we get something abundantly better and greater than our request. That’s the beauty of His omniscience! I am blessed for he has given me beauty for my ashes. ‘ . . . appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified, Isaiah 61:3 KJV.