Every woman wants to transform a house into a home.

I had anticipated that one day I would set up home with a husband. “I think this house needs a woman’s touch” he said. Well I didn’t need to be told twice! His plates were a total mismatch of glass. The table never really looked ‘set’. I unpacked my dinnerware. There were two sets; one green the other was brown. Either set could be used independently but using bits of both had a colourful effect. The stainless steel pots were already in daily use.

The dressing table had an array of cosmetics and empty bottles. I put the empty ones in the bin and checked the expiry date of everything else. My middle name should probably be ‘declutter’, it is such a satisfying feeling to remove unwanted, unneeded and unused things from your home and life! I walked through the house making a mental list of things to do. Those brown curtains unquestionably had to go!

The house was in dire need of a facelift since it lacked any coordination on all levels. When he came home we exchanged our days events with each other. He opened the cupboard doors and asked where his plates and other things were. I had put them in the spare room. He promptly brought them back to the kitchen. How could I do this? These were things he had bought with his own money and they deserved to be in the kitchen. He went to the bedroom and again asked why it looked so empty. What had I done with his things? I explained that the bottles were empty and the ointments, cosmetics and medicinal products were expired and that it was probably not safe to keep using them. Most of the arguments we had baffled me but this was a different level of bafflement. He did mention that some of the bottles had sentimental value. As much as I was sceptical about that I did apologise. Keepsakes are very personal. One person’s junk is another person’s memento. My heart however told me differently. He was controlling. This volcano was about to blow. I offered to retrieve the items from the rubbish. He said I needn’t bother and that he would do it himself. I hurriedly went to the kitchen and started packing away all the things that I had put out just a few hours ago. When he came back inside the house I was still putting everything away. He asked me what I was doing. Definitely a stupid question as far as I’m concerned. I filled the bucket that had previously stored the dinnerware and took it to the storeroom. Then I proceeded to place his plates, mugs and drinking glasses back into the cupboard. He said I was being too sensitive, that I shouldn’t take him seriously. He was only joking and I should really get to know his sense of humour. He said that I should put his things back in the storeroom and bring back my dinner set. Control. I turned to face him. “The only way that’s going to happen is if you do it yourself. You want to make the rules? I will live by them.” I left and went to the bedroom.

The toxic person will keep you on a turbulent emotional rollercoaster. You soar to great heights and plunge to even greater depths. After each ride you find yourself wondering what just happened. You may try to stand on your feet afterwards but your head is still whirling. You may try to get used to it but you NEVER should. ‘As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result . . . Genesis 50:20 NASB. Beauty for ashes.

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