It was announced that lunch was provided at a nearby building. We decided that we would follow the crowd so that we could get something to eat. I walked with a renewed sense of purpose and blazing hope. He was in a decent mood and we chatted as we walked. We compared the beauty of this island to our own. We arrived at the pavilion. I started mounting the stairs, he was right behind me. As we stepping through the door I quickly realised that there was a limited number of tables. I glanced over my shoulder and said “I’m going ahead to reserve seats”. I let go of his hand and proceeded forward. I managed to get two seats together and quickly put my handbag on one chair as I stood by the other claiming them both. I turned back to the direction I had just come from. Where was he? He was supposed to be right behind me. There were many people coming through the door but he wasn’t among them.
It didn’t take very long for me to realise that one of two things had happened. He was either in conversation with someone or he had deliberately stayed outside. I picked up my handbag and walked towards the door. My recent spirited confidence smashed. Instinctively, I was sure it was the latter. There was going to be another argument. He wasn’t at the door or even on the stairs. Fighting the tears I headed down the stairs in search of him. He was heading back towards the tent. Amongst all those people, I had forgotten him, I had left him behind, I had not considered him, I had made him feel humiliated, I had forgotten my role as wife, I had left his side, I had abandoned him. All I could do through his rant was cry. I tried to defend myself but what really was the sense in that? Had it ever worked before? In the end we did return. There were no more seats at the table but there were chairs on the balcony. Then he asked me where I’d like to sit. I replied that it would be best if we sat wherever he wanted to sit. Then he said he didn’t feel comfortable queuing for food. I stood in the line for our lunches. Then he commented on how tasty the food was. I had lost my appetite and was no longer hungry. Then he chatted about the view and our surroundings. I started drowning AGAIN.