I tried falling asleep but obviously slept had other intentions. I could probably count the number of sleepless nights in my life (before this point) on one hand. They were probably due to my not being well or excitement of an impending occasion. That night I took a seat on the back porch. The moon was out. The silvery gentle lunar glow calmed my discontent. The breeze was soft and quiet in contrast to the many questions crashing around in my mind. How did I get to this point? Why did I choose this path? Would it work itself out? Should I stick it out?If I tried even harder would it be enough? Who would save me? Could I be saved? Did I deserve to be saved? Always the same questions. They . . . those questions always compounded my emptiness.
“What are you doing out here?”
“I can’t sleep “
“I’m worried about you. You shouldn’t be out here. What can I do to make it better?” Worried about me? Really? How sweet. It is strange though. It seems as though when I come to you with my hurts inflicted by you, that you choose not to see or acknowledge them. My perceptions are way off base and pretty much unfounded. I’m simply too sensitive. It’s the middle of the night and I have no desire to say those thoughts lest they ignite his ever unquenchable yearning for arguing.
“I will come in when I’m ready. There’s really no need for you to start worrying about me”. He leaves. I fix my stare in the distance, naming as many villages as I can see, all the way to the end of the island. What a contrast. The beauty of the moon breathing on the landscape and my tormented dark existence.
Your sun will never go down, your moon will never fade. I will be your eternal light, Isaiah 60:20The Message Bible.