After a while you start to realise that the apologies mean nothing to you. You accept that it was asked of you, but there is no conviction behind it. Your head tells you to forgive, but your heart wants to lash out because the hurt cuts so deeply. You are always feeling numb. Forgiveness is no longer a process where you talk about what happened, acknowledge the pain and how you can both make it better. Forgiveness is now on autopilot. It’s like you have a box of “I forgive you” tokens. You just hand it out to the perpetrator of your suffering. No discussion, no emotion. Nothing. You are drowning in a chasm of emotional detachment. It may seem bottomless but the reality is that for your own sake, you can’t afford to hit rock bottom.

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