3d render Cardboard boxs in front of the blue wall,time to move to a new house (close-up)

Beauty for Ashes is moving! The link below will take you to my new site. Older blogs will eventually be archived at the new site.

The dark side

The victim who is a Christian often believes that it is the grace of God that keeps them sane whilst they navigate the hell in which they live. This is undoubtedly true. But it wasn’t until very recently that I came to realize that it is the same grace of God that keeps the perpetrator safe.

I was talking to a friend the other day. What she said triggered a memory and brought this lesson to light. She exists in a marriage that was similar to mine. She explained how the day before was a ‘low’ day spent in tears. There were so many things she wanted to say, things she wanted to do, but God’s grace was keeping her from following through. I shook my head sadly, profoundly connecting with what she said.

“But you know something Anna? God’s grace is extended to him too?”. I recounted a tale when I had my first dark thought. I was in the kitchen chopping onions. I was annoyed and restless. Mr. Impatient came to me. I don’t remember what he said, but I clearly remembered the dark thought. He wasn’t standing very close to me but I felt his presence suffocating me. I tensed, anticipating drama. He probably sensed my anxiety for the next thing he said filled me with pure evil.

“What’s the matter with you? You want to stab me?” I imagined in that moment, doing just that. My eyes filled. What kind of brute had I become? I continued chopping but had to stop because the tears blurred my vision.

“For true man? You really want to stab me with the knife?” He goaded.

I pointed the knife at him and cautioned him to back off. He laughed. I became scared. Not of him, of myself. I could see myself stabbing him to prove my point. I wasn’t playing. I needed him to give me space. Why should I do prison time for him? I took the knife and threw it out the kitchen door. I took the others from the block and discarded them in the same way. I turned off the stove and went to the bedroom.

There were times in the middle of the night after coming from the bathroom when I would look down at him and contemplate hurting him just so that he couldn’t hurt me any more. Often during his tirades, I visualized doing things to him which would shut him up. Permanently. However, this would be a decision that I would never be able to walk away from. I would always hate that I lost self-control; probably I’d never respect myself afterwards. Crime of passion or not, everyone would perceive me as the woman who killed her husband. She could have, should have walked away but she killed him instead. Maybe people wouldn’t blame me because of my circumstances, but they’d never trust me. Who could blame them?

There is a darkness that plagued me back then. It was only daily surrender to God that prevented me from succumbing to the obscurity of villainous thoughts. When you are scared of your own malicious potential, it is time to ask yourself how much more abuse you can tolerate. The irony  is that nobody should even wonder about tolerating any level of abuse, period. No degree of abuse is ever acceptable.

Peace of mind and peace in God are paramount priorities for survival in this world. Nothing should stand in the way of it either. Self preservation is more important than sacrifice of self when it comes to abusive relationships.

God bless you and keep you, God smile on you and gift you, God look you full in the face and make you prosper Numbers 6: 24-26.

The Message Bible

My wedding day

The first wedding I attended, the bride was two hours late! As our day grew closer, that memory kept replaying. Mr Impatient had an impeccable habit of being late; I’m usually on time. I warned him multiple times to be on time because I didn’t plan on being tardy.

On the morning of our wedding, He dropped by my parent’s home before setting off for the hotel. My father drove me and the rest of the family to the venue shortly after. I had booked a room so that my niece who was my maid of honour, and I could get dressed in comfort. She got dressed first, then she helped me into my madras wedding dress. It was designed with two concepts: the fabric itself was cultural to our island home. The second was that it was Grecian in style. He had spent time in Greece studying and was enthralled by it’s culture. Two loves were combined. I got dressed and had thirty minutes to spare, even if I took my sweet time, it wouldn’t take that long to walk down to the balcony that had been set up for the event, so took off my dress and my niece and I sat, laughed and talked. Five minutes before we were due to start, the room phone rang. It was reception. They were having some technical issues getting my wedding song to play on their system. I thanked them for the heads up and put my dress on, anticipating that the delay would be short. It was thirty minutes before the problem could be remedied. So my wedding did start late, though through no fault of mine.

My niece and I took the short walk to the balcony. I beckoned my father to come over to me. The music was cued and started to play. It was at this point that butterflies lodged in my stomach. As the first verse played, I took deep breathes whilst contemplating the lyrics of the song. As the second verse began, my father and I descended the stairs that lead down to the balcony and he escorted me to my soon to be husband.

Christ’s bride will adorn a unique apparel; obedience is her beauty, she is modestly clothed with a dress of love, shoes of joy protect her feet. Her accessories of peace and kindness complete her. Most brides are exquisite on their day, she outshines the groom, but on that day the Groom’s appearance will surpass His bride. When the bridegroom Christ reappears, the angelic host will play the processional. The brightness of His glory will light the sky above and every eye shall see him. She, the bride has endured much, has suffered hardship. She has been persecuted but prevailed. Tribulation has perfected her. She is the bride triumphant. The second advent of Christ will be the perfect wedding day!

Let us celebrate, let us rejoice, let us give him the glory! The marriage of the Lamb has come; his wife has made herself ready. She was given a bridal gown of bright and shinning linen. The linen is the righteousness of the saints. Revelation 19: 7&8

The Message Bible


I enjoy a slice of cake as much as the next person. Chocolate cake is probably my favourite followed by banana. Having said that, I like cheesecake, muffins, pies and all sorts of pastries too! I also know how calorific these deceitful beautiful creations of sugar are, so I tend not to over indulge.

“You haven’t finished eating the cake I bought you a few days ago and I bought you another slice. You don’t like banana cake anymore?”

I looked up from the novel I was reading. I studied his face trying to work out what mood he was in. How could I ever betray cake by not liking it any longer?

“Well cakes are full of calories and those slices are quite thick. I usually cut it in half and eat the other piece another time. It’s too much to eat at one time.” I waited.

“But it’s like you don’t appreciate what I do for you?”

In my head I laughed out loud. I imagined how even more crazy toxic he would be if I became obese through indulging in cake eating! Then I had an idea.

“Oh I do appreciate it when you buy me cake. Thank you. I was just wondering if you would like to change it or maybe not buy cake for me so often.” He didn’t say anything so I continued. “Well I do like banana cake, but perhaps you could mix it up. Like maybe sometimes buy something healthier like an apple or some other fruit.”

“I’m your husband. I have a right to buy my wife anything I want.”

I looked at him amused. One thing I didn’t think he would do is hold me down and force cake down my throat. “Baby, you’re absolutely right”, and with that said, I returned my eyes to my book.

God loves to give to us. He grants us our wants and needs; oftentimes He gifts us too. He knows what we will use wisely, and the things which will cause us to stray from Him. He withholds and He blesses. Neither are we all blessed in the same way; it’s pointless to begrudge someone else their blessing. They have it for a reason, He knows why He didn’t give that particular thing to you.

It is one of the challenges of being a child of God. You find yourself asking “Why not me?” You covet the good things in life;  a godly spouse, children, a house, successful career, health, a reliable car. The list is endless. You can’t help but wonder if somehow God has forgotten about the desire of your heart. You pray about it, you plead, you bargain. Hope gives way to despair, you cry out of frustration and anger. The desire can become so consuming that you may even find yourself being resentful when others receive that which you yearn for during your time of ‘want crisis’. We grapple with trying to understand God’s reasoning. Perhaps this is our first mistake. Who can know the mind of He who is omniscient? His wisdom is far beyond ours, so how can we ever think of understanding it?  However, our understanding is such that because we  recognise the wisdom of God, we can accept that His reason for withholding is ultimately perfect. We then have a choice, we can complain against the flawless will of God or accept is impeccable judgement.

Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It’s way over our heads. We’ll never figure it out.

Is there anyone around who can explain God?
Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
    that God has to ask his advice?

Everything comes from him;
Everything happens through him;
Everything ends up in him.
Always glory! Always praise!
    Yes. Yes. Yes.    

Romans 11: 33-36

The Message Bible


If you have never had to have surgery, you will not know how bizarre the experience of having anaesthetic course through your body feels like. It’s like liquid ice invading every vessel of your body. It’s chilling to say the least. Let me rewind a little.

In the run up to my operation, naturally I prayed for its success and total recovery. And then gradually,  I added to my prayer. If I died on the operating table, I wouldn’t be subjected to his abuse any longer. It would be the perfect way to die, I’d slip away and not be aware of anything. It would be like dying in my sleep; painless, no drama. So I told God that if he wanted to minus me from the planet, that would be fine with me. I made my peace with Him.

That morning, all I said to God was “remember it’s ok with me. Ok?” Somehow my then husband managed to make it to the hospital early enough to be with me before being taken into theatre. He was being quite sweet, but as he made small talk with me, one phrase kept going round and round in my head “It would be so great if I didn’t have to come back to you”.

I understand now why people opt to take their own life. If you’re dead, you can’t feel pain. Those of us who know the Lord mustn’t worry like those who have no hope. Christ says bring your burdens to me and I will make them light. He will strengthen in our time of need (Isaiah 41:10). Whatever we are going through, He’s right there with us (Isaiah 43:2). He is the loving Shepherd tending to our needs and keeping us safe (Psalm 23:1-3). Cast your cares on Him, He really cares! (1 Peter 5:6-7)

If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. Psalms 34: 18 & 19

The Message Bible


While we were dating, we spoke about maintaining the household. There was no rent to pay because the house belonged to him; it was just a matter of paying the usual utility bills. He said that as he was accustomed to paying all his bill’s, he would continue to do so. I told him that I too had always paid my bills and that I wasn’t looking to be dependent upon him. We went back and forth on the matter. Not arguing per se, just trying to understand the position of the other. I stopped bringing it up. I wasn’t angry, I simply couldn’t understand why we couldn’t be a team. I didn’t need or want to be reliant. In the strictest sense of the word, I wasn’t. I had a job. Not contributing to the home meant that he provided everything. I wasn’t too comfortable with that because I wanted to make a contribution; it would make me feel like we were a team. In the end I decided to use my salary to ‘soften’ the home because it was particularly masculine.

Our Pastor paid us a visit one day after we were married. I was quite taken aback when Mr. Impatient brought it up. The pastor’s response was priceless “Is there a problem here?” I sat and smiled but I really wanted to laugh out loud. Indeed, what was the problem? I patiently waited for my husband’s reply.

“Well it’s a man’s duty to look after the home isn’t it?”

The pastor looked at me then asked why I wanted to contribute. I explained, in fact I told him the exact thing I had told my ex husband many times before.

His expression  was thoughtful as he replied, “Most men would be more than happy to know that their wife wants to do something to maintain the home. So many women these days will tell you that their salary belongs to them. Then the man is left with the total financial responsibility of looking after the home. I think you should be happy that she sees things differently. Husband and wife are a team.” He shrugged.

I felt smug after that. After our pastor left, Mr. Impatient said that I could be responsible for the groceries. I was ok with that. There wasn’t necessarily a one stop grocery store where I could get everything I wanted and I have always preferred to go to the market for fresh produce. I would head off into town after work and make my purchases. Customers can place their groceries in a  booth and return for them later. In the beginning, he would pick me up from the market which was usually my last stop. Then we’d go around and simply pick everything up from the relevant shops. I would give him the card which had the booth number, and he would jump out and grab them.

Somehow everything changed. I was expected to gather groceries from point A, carry them, and meet him at point B. The length of time waiting for him to pick me up from the market made me restless. Parking can be quite a nightmare but rather than find a parking space, I was suddenly expected to jump out of the car, grab the grocery bags all the while he sat in the middle of the road holding up angry traffic. One memory stands out. I called him to say that he could pick me up from the market. He asked if I had alot to carry. The thing with being with a toxic person is that you end up analysing every question in order to determine the ‘right’ answer. I made a quick judgement call and replied that the bags were a bit heavy. “Well I parked over the bridge. I couldn’t find any parking so you’ll have to walk over here.” I bit my lip and hung up. He didn’t say that I should wait while he walked back to meet me. He didn’t say that he was going to drive by, so be ready to jump in. In the heat of the sun, I had to walk to where he parked because he basically couldn’t be bothered to do the loving thing.

After that experience, I determined that I would keep an eye on the kitchen cupboard and fridge so that I only ‘topped up’ a few items at a time. There wouldn’t be any more bulk buying.

There is something demeaning about feeling like a slave when you are in fact a wife. When you are the spouse of a toxic person, you must always remember to replace the value in yourself every time they strip it away from you. Jesus Christ left the throne room of heaven where He was the Son of God; worshiped by the angels and at one with His Father. He came to earth where He had no royal status and was despised by mankind. He laid down His life for all of us. You are not what that toxic person says you are, you are who God says you are. That’s your value!

The Scream

My eyes flew open. I knew my ears heard something, but the sound hadn’t registered in my consciousness. It could have been something in the park across the road, a commotion on the main road below my window, perhaps it had even come from within the apartment block I lived; I just didn’t know what had awakened me. I lay awake a little while longer then turned on my other side to fall sleep again.

There it was; a scream of frustration and fear. My heart rate increased; tears stung my eyes. By this point in my life, I didn’t find it so difficult to bear the scars of my past. Hearing her shriek paralyzed me. I could have been her. I had heard her before but it was always followed by silence. I was never completely sure if I had actually heard anything. I had seen them together a few times. As I approached, I would discretely study her face looking for a plea in her eyes, unhappiness. However, there was none. Then again victims know how to hide the grotesque truth from outside eyes. We do it well.

I heard the scuffle. “Let me go!” she shouted. The commotion continued. The UK had just gone into lockdown. I was painfully aware of the fact that many victims were now forced to occupy limitless time with their abusers. Neriah was my advocate, and now I would be my neighbour’s. I jumped out of bed to get my phone and called the polie. I gave the particulars over the phone, all the while my heart thumping against my temples, my stomach feeling nauseous. She didn’t know me, so she could never thank me, and perhaps if she did know me, she wouldn’t have
appreciated my intervening, but it would surely buy her some time because they would surely lock him up for a while. I felt a compulsion to pace the floor, but with my squeaky floorboards, I didn’t want to cast suspicion on my being the ‘snitch’. I knew they lived directly below me. I sat on the sofa and waited. Downstairs was eerily quiet. Within a few minutes, I saw the glow of blue lights flashing on my curtains. I took a peep; the police had arrived. My heart rate slowed. I walked back
to bed. No sooner had I put my head down than my door knocked. Well, I knew it had to be the law. I scrambled out of bed again and opened the door. The female officer at my door wanted me to confirm which apartment I heard the noises from. Though I was concerned about being identified I would see it through to the end. I hurried down the stairs behind her and pointed at the door where I knew the sounds had come from. A male officer was knocking the door but no one was answering.
“Oh, they are there alright.” I said before retreating upstairs and returning to bed.

By the time I slipped under my sheet, I could hear that a conversation had started between the police and the occupants of the apartment. I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God that at least she could still leave that night (assuming he owned the apartment of course). Why didn’t she leave? Why didn’t I leave? Either way that night, he was surely leaving whether or not he wanted to.

Sometimes, we suffer through cycles of habitual sin. Like the apostle Paul said; ‘but what I hate, that do I.’ who doesn’t identify with this? We try not to yield to temptation, even run from it, but still, we find ourselves giving in to it. It ensnares us like a possessive abusive partner. The sin forever states the elusive promise of happiness, but delivers nothing but dissatisfaction. Like the boa constrictor, the more you struggle out of its deadly grip, the tighter its crush. Jesus Christ offered up his life to save us from the restraint of sin. The enemy incarcerates;
the Saviour liberates!

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So, take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. Galatians 5:1

The Message Bible

DISCLAIMER: The following YouTube clip does contain one profane word used in the chorus; therefore, some viewers may want to watch with the volume muted. The depiction of domestic violence, though beautifully choregraphed, may upset some viewers.

The Stand Off

Ever watched a film where two cars are racing towards each other at full speed? The occupants of each vehicle are determined to drive head on, expecting the other to turn away. Heart stopping stuff! A stand off in real life with a toxic partner is equally heart stopping; it takes sheer guts to go up against your septic other .

The light was pinged on which rudely aroused me from sleep. He called my name a few times but I was in no mood to answer. Unless for an emergency, I don’t like being awakened from my slumber. It was the threat that got my attention;

“Get up now or I’ll wet you”. It was a statement, very calmly spoken. I heard his footsteps leave the bedroom; and from the kitchen I heard the tap gushing out water. Was this man for real? He was that cruel?

The footsteps returned. The threat was repeated. Nonchalantly, I sat up in bed. There he was with a basin of water in his hands. The following thought went through my mind; if I moved to his side of the bed and went back to sleep, his side of the bed would get wet and then I would have the bed all to myself because he would have to find somewhere else to sleep. On the other hand, there was always the possibility that he would wet my side of the bed even if I was on his side. I sat there staring at him trying to reach a decision. To get wet or not get wet? His side or my side? His face was set, determined. His jaw was set.

I conceded defeat. I wasn’t ready for a midnight showdown. The only way I was going to be allowed to return to sleep was to hear him out.  “What do you want Mr. Impatient?” I sighed. He rambled on: about what, I have no recollection. I blotted his rant out of my conscious listening. I just wanted to return to slumber. When he was done, I didn’t even bother to acknowledge that I had heard him. I simply laid down and turned on my side.

One day in the not too far future, there will be the greatest stand off EVER. Jesus Christ is coming to reclaim His people. He will stand in the ring with  his arch enemy Satan. The enemy will be forced to concede. He cannot win this battle. In fact, from the very beginning, we, the Princes and Princesses of the Sovereign King knew that we are on the winning side. Christ is the conqueror; He will not and cannot back down. He is victor!

The Devil who deceived them will be hurled into Lake Fire and Brimstone, joining the Beast and False Prophet, the three in torment around the clock for ages without end. Revelation 20:10

The Message Bible

Childhood memories

I remember an array of memories from my childhood. In the summer we would leave London in the dead of night when traffic was virtually asleep with the rest of the world. One by one, my father would carry us, his sleeping children and lay us at the back of the car. By the time we eventually opened our eyes, we would be on the motorway; well advanced into the journey to Wales where we had a caravan.

I remember my mother’s stomach becoming so big that it was hard to get my arms around her when I embraced her. She explained that there was a baby inside it. When he was born I kept wondering what was wrong with ‘it’ because between his legs was different to what I had. His poo stunk and he cried too much for something that was so small!

My mother used to make an amazing drink blend of tinned peaches, ice-cream and milk. It had us wishing our tongues were longer so that we could lick the remainder from inside the glass better!

My sister before me and I, often dressed in the same dresses for church; I thought it funny that church folks thought we were twins because my parents joined that church before either of us were born! My elder sister used to make delicious recipes at school in her home economics lessons and bring it home for us to sample. I also remember when she had to rescue my other sister and I when we climbed to the top of the wardrobe in our bedroom and couldn’t get back down again!

I remember when we left our home in London and travelled to Dominica, the island of my parents birth; my heritage. It was our first experience on a plane. In my child’s mind, the journey took forever. At the airport, our aunt greeted us with mangoes; my dress got stained from eating it. It was so sweet and juicy. When we were enrolled in school, I found that I was no longer the one and only black child in
my class (well the entire school!). Racist slurs were a thing of the past and I began to really enjoy school.

My childhood wasn’t perfect, there were some unfortunate things that happened, but that made up a small percentage of it. It was healthy, it was adventurous, and I was loved.

Sometimes, those of us who have had the privilege of a positive upbringing often cannot fathom the toxic former years of others. That an adult would deny a child the opportunity to laugh, grow and explore buggers belief. It is an evil that unfortunately, actually happens.

One must appreciate that we are all products of our childhood; granted there are always exceptions to the rule. There are those who were raised in affirmative homes but somehow they lose their way and became a ‘defective’ product of society. Conversely, there are persons who refuse to succumb to their terrible past; they become a beautiful version of their past. Whether good or bad, our character and values are formed in our early years. It’s engrained within us to the point where we may not even be aware of how entrenched they are.

When we dated, my ex shared much of his childhood with me. It was pretty dismal. His mother was just a teen when she became pregnant with him. This ruined her chances of completing school which is probably why she resented him from day one. She raised him single handedly. In the summer months instead of roaming around the village with the other children, he was exiled to the house. Even though he was
old enough to make a cup of tea or help himself to a snack, she watched everything like a hawk. If there was sugar or coffee missing, he received a beating. If he snuck out and she somehow found out he was beaten. He says that these beatings were for virtually any perceived misdeed, and were frequently done on his head. As an adult he suffered from headaches. When he was still a young boy, his mother emigrated leaving him behind to be passed from relative to relative. It’s no wonder he had
separation anxiety and never really felt settled or felt that he belonged anywhere or to anyone. When he was fed up of moving from home to home, he built a small home for himself on his mother’s property. He struggled through life but was afforded the chance to study abroad. His qualification opened certain doors for him.

I remember thinking how, for someone who had experienced such neglect, he was well adjusted enough to have come so far in life. However, this was the external person. I saw him have conversations with his colleagues and make random jokes with cashiers at the supermarket. I saw his warmth, I felt it. He presented as friendly; an advocate for the underdog, he was a grass roots man. He was a man in the process of healing and wanting to excel and do better. I wanted to be a part of that journey. I didn’t want him to go it alone. If he was already doing this well, I knew he’d be even greater further down the road. He was the embodiment of a new person in the making. I wasn’t about to miss out on this miraculous transformation!

Christ never has and never will force us to change. The choice is always ours. If we recognize that we need His saving grace, He is ever ready to impart it to us. As time rolled by, I realize that my ex-husband liked the idea of change but didn’t have the desire for it. He felt that he was who he was; I had to learn to live with it. I had to discover how to exist within his toxic sphere; endure the insults, the put downs, gaslighting and his indifference. Healing was no longer a pursuit; he wore his brokenness like a badge of honour. The problem was that his brokenness was disintegrating me. He was happy with whom he was; I despised who I was evolving into.

Christ is only too happy to take us on the transformative odyssey of a lifetime! He will unlock our chains, iron out the kinks, and bandage our pain. You just can’t be the same once you have experienced his make-over. He doesn’t charge for this service and he promises to be your forever coach. He won’t judge you, He won’t turn you away. He is just waiting for you to have your first appointment with him, or maybe drop by for a long overdue visit. God is phenomenally awesome!

Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life emerges! 2 Corinthians 5:17

The Message Bible

The Stepmother

There is one more cluster I want to share, but today I want to share a memory that recently came to mind.

“Listen to this; I was talking to David our neighbour the other day. He and his wife have been trying for a baby for a while. Guess what he did in the end? He slept with his ex-girlfriend and got her pregnant. When the baby was born he claimed the baby so that he and his wife could raise it together. That’s a good wife! What do you think of the idea?”

Of all the stupid questions and scenarios my ex put to me, this one was the most absurd. “Come again?” I asked. As he proceeded to repeat the entire escapade, I interrupted him.

“I got the story. What makes her such a good wife?”

“Well she understood her husband’s desire to have children and she didn’t stop him. That’s sacrificial love.”

“So you’re saying it was ok for him to be unfaithful just to get a child? What was wrong with adopting?”

“It just shows how important being a father was to him. What do you think of the idea? Would you have been willing to do that?”

“Well I feel sorry for her because it sounds as if whether or not she agreed to it, he was going to do it anyway. Now she’s stuck raising a child that isn’t hers. It’s not as if he had this child before they met”.

“What would be the difference in adopting? She would still be raising a child that she didn’t give birth to.”

“The difference is that she, or they, would have chosen a child. She wouldn’t have had a child thrust onto her. She would of had a choice in the matter.  And to answer your question, I doubt I could have agreed to such a ridiculous idea.”

“So if I came home one day with a baby, and explained that I had the baby with an ex-girlfriend, what would you do? Would you really reject a baby? My own child?”

“I would never prevent you from raising your child, no child asks to be born. Whether or not I would hang around is another matter. Then again at the end of the day, if the issue was with you, and I slept with my ex-boyfriend to get pregnant it would have been fine right? Yes, that’s sacrificial love!” That was the end of that conversation.

When I left my island home to get away from my ex-husband, I returned the following year for my sister’s wedding. I found out that not only did my ex-husband already have a girlfriend, she was soon to give birth to their child. The math said that maybe he got lucky and got her pregnant right after I left. However,  it is more likely that he was having an affair even before I left. Though I had already filed for divorce, the new information about his infidelity surprised me but didn’t make me angry. It did bring the above conversation back to my mind.

Everything I have spoken about in my blog is true to the best of my memory and knowledge. Today’s blog is speculative. I have no reason to doubt that my ex asked me that question way back then, to determine my thoughts and get a feel for how I felt about raising a love child, we hadn’t even been trying for a year yet. Maybe that’s when he formulated  the plan. Now, what would I have really done? I would have resented being put in that position that’s for sure, but I can only speculate. The thing is I’ll never factually know. God saved me from a complicated and destructive marriage; that’s a solid fact!

No one expects their spouse to be perfect because all humans are flawed. We know our partner will do things that hurt or makes us angry. We know that there must be a spirit of forgiveness. Though it does happen, no one expects their spouse to deliberately plot an awkward and distasteful predicament.  In marriage, a partner expects their spouse to want the best positive things in life for them. There should be an element of good will projected by both parties in a marital relationship .

The old testament is filled with the apostasy of Israel. When they were obedient and followed God’s precepts they were blessed and they prospered. When Israel was disobedient and wayward, they languished. Yet even in their rollercoaster of defiance and insubordination, God loved them still. He loves us still. Our heavenly Father only wants the best for all of us.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11

The Message Bible